Magnet Poetry
by NutellaMisfit
Summary: When asking the husband to do the laundry via magnet poetry backfires. Bad.


_"Edward Anthony Masen!"_

Oh, fuck.

Bella's voice carries through the house and I legit feel like a child about to be chastised for not doing the right thing.

"Don't try hiding from me!"

...

"If you want to play this game then we'll play."

Fuck.

I can hear her footsteps as she walks up the stairs and I look around for a place to hide. Bella is hella scary as fuck when she's mad and I have one conclusion why that is.

"I'm going to find you. And I will fucking murder you!"

She's sounds so damn hot when she's mad. That little prim and proper mouth of hers goes full sailor and I actually quite enjoy it.

Go away thoughts!

Back to the problem at hand.

I eye the bed and seeing as that the sheets are still rumpled from our morning session I dive in and arrange the comforter over me so it looks as if nothing is different. I hear her stop at our doorway.

"Edward?"

Her voice is too sickly sweet and I know that when she finds me it's hasta la vista.

"I promise..."

No you don't.

"That I won't..."

Yes you will.

"Kick the fuck out on you."

I stay quiet and even my breathing. She sighs in frustration and I smile to no one but myself. When I hear shit start getting moved around I know I don't have much time. Eventually she'll find me and I'm praying like hell that she won't sock me. Finally the bed dips. Her hands reach out slowly and I go wide eyed.

B-U-S-T-E-D!

She yanks the cover away and stands before me in all her glory, mad as hell and murder in her eyes. I smile my crooked grin because that usually helps but as soon as it's there it's gone. Damn. Did I really fuck up that bad this time around? She huffs in annoyance and I sit up. Hands up in surrender and if I had the white flag I would be waving that shit too.

"Have you got something to tell me?"

I look at her with a little fear. There was only one other time she looked this fierce and Jake was the one to receive the fury.

Well, no time like the present.

"I'm... Sorry?"

She rolls her eyes.

Shit!

"Why are you such an asshole?! A simple no could have sufficed!"

She comes in like a predator and I cover myself. Her tiny fists makes contact with my arm over and over and I wince because that shit actually really does hurt.

"What was it you said?"

I shrug holding back a laugh and she lifts a brow.

"F 2 da U 2 da CK U!?"

At that I couldn't help it. I laugh and not just a chortled one. No. I was apparently wanting a death wish because I sprawled out on the bed with a big ol' belly laugh. She pounces on me and the air whooshes out of my lungs in one quick succession. Before I can react she leans in and captures my lips with hers making sure to bite down hard enough that the taste of copper floods my mouth. I hiss and she pulls way with a smirk. I know she did this so that I won't forget what I've done.

"And Edward?" She whispers dangerously close to my ear.

I turn to look at her and she's still smirking.

"Dat butt tho... let's see when you get that butt though."

Before I can grab her so she can't leave she quickly bounces back and stands, staring daggers down at me. Tiny footsteps come racing up the stairs and just when shit couldn't get worse there's a little chant that catches my ears.

"F 2 da U 2 da CK Uuuuuu, F 2 da U 2 da CK Uuuuuu..."

Oh. Shit.

I groan slapping a hand over my face and I don't even dare look at Bella.

"Fix this!"

"Yeah, yeah." I say scrubbing my face.

I get up from the bed and make way down the hall. The sign taped to the door reads:  
'Do NOT Enter or my Dinosir (dinosaur I'm sure he meant) Will eat YOU!'

I chuckle at this and knock.

"Hey, little man. Can I come in?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He excitedly says and as soon as I open the door he jumps up and right into my arms.

No matter what this is always the best part of my day. Only now I'm dreading this because how much is he really going to understand?

"We need to talk, Royce."

He scrunches his face up and it breaks me. I don't like seeing him thinking that he's in trouble when it can be easily fixed. I know that gut feeling and I always swore that my children would never have deal with that bullshit. Without hesitation, I tickle him until he laughs uncontrollably telling me to stop. Once I see that he's back to normal I go to the too tiny seat knowing full well that my ass is not going to fit into it. The joy of little people things.

"Do you remember what you were singing up the stairs?"

He nods.

"Do you know what it means?"

He shakes his head.

"Well it's not very nice and daddy didn't mean for you to see it. I know mommy is upset with me but that's okay because everything can be fixed."

He smiles up to me and I can't help but to plant a big kiss to his cheek. At this he cringes and wipes his cheek clean.  
Heart -meet- ache. Ouch!

Clearing my throat with amusement I continue.

"Let's promise right now that that song will no longer be sung, okay? It'll make mommy very happy and we want to keep her happy, right?"

At this he nods and I smile back at him. His tiny arms give me a tight squeeze around my neck and before I can squeeze back he hops down and screeches like a beach whaled as he grabs a pterodactyl. My kid is strange. But than again so are his parents.

When I leave his room, I can hear Bella downstairs banging around in the kitchen. Uh-oh. Definitely not good. I make my way to the clatter of pots and lean against the entryway as I watch her. She's fuming that much is clear and yet I can't wipe this stupid grin off my face. She moves effortlessly through the kitchen and when she's still not taken notice of me I go behind her and wrap my arms around her waist pulling her against me.

"I'm sorry, baby."

I can feel her shiver as I whisper into her ear and she leans her head back against my shoulder with a sigh.

"I can't say I'm sorry for hitting you because you and I both know you deserved it."

I chuckle and she giggles a little.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right."

She looks up expectantly and I lean in kissing her softly once. Twice. Three times before I kiss her with meaning. Passionate yet tender and for a split second we're lost in one another until we hear

"EWWWWWW. STOP. IT!"

Our little bubble is burst. Ripped out of the sky and now free falling to blushes and smiles.I look at my son unashamedly because fuck me if I don't love Bella like the first time I saw her once more, I take after my son and chase him around.

Ahhh, the joys of parenthood!


End file.
